Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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