Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
