I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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