I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
