bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
