You're so nebulous sometimes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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