Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
