Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
