she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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