You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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