So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
