Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
