You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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