so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
