if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
