Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
