what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
