awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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