The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
