omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
