Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
