last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ttyl tear gas
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
