drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
