Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize