did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
