can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
