alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize