It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
