Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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