I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
