You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
