Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
false alarm, still single
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
