i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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