I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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