i don't like sucking hair
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize