So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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