Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
