If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
