So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
