fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
