So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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