it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
