you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
