let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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