He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you never un-have a 4some
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm really busy with my period
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