i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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