hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
no, he came in my armpit
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
