everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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