And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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