I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
