Sry I called you an 8
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Holy sore nipples Batman
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
