I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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