My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
