I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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