I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
