It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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