next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
