Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize