Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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