I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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