hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
