I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
