I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
