i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize