i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
