He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
