Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
