we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
