What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
