my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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