Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize