She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
