your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
