My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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