I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
