I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
