On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
