this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
