I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
