I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
